What I learn in nursing school....

I get to clinicals today and immediately decided I didn't want to be there. It's not fair that I have to be here away from my kids all day. I don't think it's fair I have to be at school, I don't think it's fair I have to do all this charting, I don't think it's fair I have to yada yada yada. All of these "not fairs"...all of these "why me's"....sighhh....
Well, fine I thought..I will go meet my patient. He is supposedly in his 30's and has mild mental retardation. I was thinking, well, he should keep me busy today! Nope. I go to say hi and introduce myself and let him know I will be his nurse today. He is fine. COMPLETELY fine! Cognitive, alert...and needs nothing. Great! I am going to be sitting around today doing .....nothing! All of this self pity!
So I decided...what the hay...I am going to follow him around and see whats going on. I followed my patient to physical therapy. I followed him to occupational therapy. And I watched him do the auto ambulator. HOURS of excruciating work for him and I watched as other patients gave up, set down, some even FELL ASLEEP! lol. Not mine! He wore a smile! Happy! Laughing! And so motivated! I could tell he hurt. You could see it behind his....smile. The therapist would ask, "would you like to keep going?". He said yes! You could tell he didn't. Push and pull, lift and stand, tug and turn. Over and over and over again. When he is done, I could tell he was in pain as I wheeled him back to his room. I asked him if he was in any pain and he stated "no". Patients never turn down pain meds! So...surprised, I asked again! He said "No". I could tell he was. When we got back to his room it was so late in the day and I really needed to get in a physical assessment...but he was SO tired! I had to do it though, so reluctantly I asked. I felt awful. He....smiled. He said "sure! gotta make sure everything's working huh?". It changed my whole perspective for the day! WOW! I'm wallowing in my self pity and this guy is such a trooper! So kind! So cooperative! It was amazing. I loved seeing him smile after such excruciating stress on his body. What if everyone was like him? This guy....whom people call "mentally retarded" has a better outlook on life then anyone I have ever met. When he's tired...he smiles. When he's in pain....he smiles. When he is alone....he smiles. When I'm tired...I complain. When I'm in pain...I complain....When I'm alone and miss my family...I complain. I am married, have 3 beautiful kids, have a chance to go to college, have all of my school paid for, have a nice enough house, and am able to eat what I want, when I want without getting sick...and I have complained about pretty much everything...my kids, husband, house, money, school, food. EVERYTHING. My patient is in his 30's, will probably never marry, never have children, never go to college, never live outside a hospital setting, and has to modify his diet depending on his blood sugar and the amount of medicine injected into his stomach. And I didn't hear him complain ONCE! I whined all day. To my teacher, to my friends. I felt like such a jerk by the end of the day! SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL BRAT.
I have learned alot in nursing school, but today I learned alot. I learned alot about what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my husband who pulls his weight...and alot of mine, I m thankful for 3 amazingly beautiful, healthy, perfect kids. I'm thankful for the opportunity and the cognitive ability to be able to go to school and eventually get a job that will make me ALOT of money. I'm thankful for the fact that I can live in my house, not have nurses and doctors waking me up and bothering me all day long. I'm thankful I can eat what I want, when I want without any consequences. I'm SO thankful. And I'm thankful for him. I am so thankful that God put him in my path to remind me that I really don't have it that bad. I will never forget his smile. EVER. God has been so good to me and I think he knew I needed a reminder of how good I really do have it.
Some people are put on earth to do certain things, and he was definately put here to shine his sunshine on everyone that meets him!
In nursing school I expect to learn about medications, sicknesses, IV's, catheters, Naso=gastric tubes, bowel programs....these are all skills we have to do in clinicals. But what I learned today, this is definately not what I thought i'd learn in nursing school.

Proverbs 17:17

Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble." Proverbs 17:17

I have been thinking about this verse all week! I LOVE it! So honest, so good, so true. I have been so blessed this last year to meet some of the greatest friends and people I have ever known. There kindness really showed today especially. My kids have a 3 day weekend from school and I ofcourse, still have class. (boooooo). So I was worrying all weekend about what I was going to do with them. We are too broke for my husband to miss any more work! But once again, God works everything out and my kids had a great day! They both got to stay places with friends I trust 100% and with friends they know and love. A year ago, I would have been so lost and would have had nobody to help me out, but my friends were so sweet, helpful and more then willing to help! I am so thankful!
Family too, my whole family, husband, mother, sister, kids have been burdened by me going back to school ...and every single one of them have been so generous! So kind...and so willing to help! I would be so lost without all of these wonderful people God has given me....and for them...I am SO thankful!

The ugly truth....

I hate going to bed at night feeling like I screwed everything up....but that's what is happening tonight. My day just started bad...didn't really expect it to end much better. I messed up this evening for the kids, I messed the evening up for my husband and today was just a load of yuck.
First thing this morning I get cussed out by some guy in a dark parking garage because I have no frickin clue where I'm going...literally cussed out. Called everything under the sun! The parking garage was dark, huge and there was nobody around. I really just wanted to cry by the time I found my way out of there. The actual clinical day went okay..the teacher seems nice, the other students are nice. But it really sucks knowing that on Wednesday nights I will get home and just have enough time to kiss my kids goodnight and then get to bed so I can get back up at 4am. Best.mother.ever. I feel awful! My kids probably feel so neglected and I never feel like I'm doing the mom job "right" during school. I really hate it..but at the same time I know just how much my kids will benefit from all of this!
And then also tonight, my husband was so excited about his new small group...but I had to tell him that it just won't work on Wednesday's. I get home sooo late, I have so much homework and I can't handle the kids and homework alone. This is not the first time he has had to drop something he was excited about because of my school. I know he was upset, but as usual he didn't complain, or get upset...he just did it.
I'm just so tired of feeling like everything is only getting half done!
Sorry to all about the whine-fest....venting is so much easier then crying! I am PRAYING that tomorrow goes fast and I have the next 3 days to do what I do best...to do what I love most...to just be "mom" again. :)