I hate going to bed at night feeling like I screwed everything up....but that's what is happening tonight. My day just started bad...didn't really expect it to end much better. I messed up this evening for the kids, I messed the evening up for my husband and today was just a load of yuck.
First thing this morning I get cussed out by some guy in a dark parking garage because I have no frickin clue where I'm going...literally cussed out. Called everything under the sun! The parking garage was dark, huge and there was nobody around. I really just wanted to cry by the time I found my way out of there. The actual clinical day went okay..the teacher seems nice, the other students are nice. But it really sucks knowing that on Wednesday nights I will get home and just have enough time to kiss my kids goodnight and then get to bed so I can get back up at 4am. Best.mother.ever. I feel awful! My kids probably feel so neglected and I never feel like I'm doing the mom job "right" during school. I really hate it..but at the same time I know just how much my kids will benefit from all of this!
And then also tonight, my husband was so excited about his new small group...but I had to tell him that it just won't work on Wednesday's. I get home sooo late, I have so much homework and I can't handle the kids and homework alone. This is not the first time he has had to drop something he was excited about because of my school. I know he was upset, but as usual he didn't complain, or get upset...he just did it.
I'm just so tired of feeling like everything is only getting half done!
Sorry to all about the whine-fest....venting is so much easier then crying! I am PRAYING that tomorrow goes fast and I have the next 3 days to do what I do best...to do what I love most...to just be "mom" again. :)
I'm sorry you doubt yourself, but I'm also glad that someone who does it so much better than I do still doesn't feel like she's doing it right. Do parents ever think of themselves: "Yes! I'm so great at this!" Probably not. Hang in there! It'll all be worth it!
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at how much you do, continuously! Remember, this is just one season in your family's life and it too will pass. And when you look back, you may remember how hard it was, but you will certainly remember how blessed you were to live it. The kids know you love them, and that's what counts. Look at it simply as part of their life education, that we have to adapt to all seasons, not just the routine four. You'll make it through, one step at a time. We all will :)
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