Today I am just SAD...knock down drag out sad and exhausted. Almost too tired to write, so this will be sooo short! I came home from school yesterday and just wanted to sleep, instead Holly came home with a fever. Well, I had ended up going with a friend to see another friend which was perfectly great...until I got home. I had tried to go to bed and Hollyn was running a 102 fever ALLL night. Poor sweet girl! She didn't get any sleep and neither did I. By the time she went to bed, it was time for me to get up for school. So, I go to school alllllll day today and then the exhaustion hits on the way home. I felt awful. I got home, I was too tired to spend any "quality" time with the kids. I am in complete robot mode, and I hate it. I am too tired to even sleep. And then Lily is upset, and Holly has a fever again, and River wants to play. And I ofcourse feel like the WORST.MOM.EVER. So...the kids get to bed , Andy goes to bed. And I melt down. I had promised I wouldn't do this this semester...and tada! First week! I am so hoping that I'm just not adjusting to change well and that this will all be fine after the first week. But as of right now, I am so sad. Just so awful, terribly miserably depressed tonight. I want to wake up and kiss the kids good-bye, I want to be with Hollyn when she is at home with a temperature. How can you feel like your doing the right thing? And at the same time, feel like you are doing the wrong thing? I am so confused, sad, tired, mad, angry....blah. blah. blah . (and whiny if ya can't tell! ) .
I am PRAYING that next week is more organized. More comforting. More relaxing. I know I am so crazy blessed, but tonight is the worst I've felt in months. I'm pretty sure iti's just the exhaustion! I should be so happy today! I got a 100% on a very hard exam today! My kids are healthy! Tomorow is Friday! I have SO much to be thankful for. I am really hoping I have something happy and positive to post tomorrow!
So sorry Shannon. As mothers some days we feel less than complete not to mention as wives, women and followers of Christ! Hang in there cause it always gets better. It really does....but, don't feel bad for being so sad. Sometimes we need that as odd as it sounds. It makes us appreciate the good times! You're doing great and way more than some mothers do for their children! You are working so hard to give them a better life and one day you'll all see the benefits! Love ya!
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